Saturday, May 8, 2010

Love is a battlefield...

Okay, so I've been ignoring the blog scene for a bit for various reasons, mostly being that I'm lazy. Wait, scratch that. I'm not lazy - I'm energy efficient. There, that should keep all you green loving hippies content for a while. Anyway, on to the topic at hand...

So, occasionally I enjoy going into a little romp on the online gaming scene once in a while. You know: Halo 3, Wolfenstein Enemy Territory, Starcraft, Left 4 Dead etc... and that's all well and good. Fun times are often had by all until the accusations of homosexuality and sexual deviance involving one's mother come about, but that's par for course as far as the internet community is concerned. But that doesn't bother me too much. You get used to it, though the down side to online gaming is that my 'gamer tourettes' acts up. But other than that, it's often more enjoyable than fragging the same scripted enemies over and over again.

Online gaming is fun and all and it's a lot of things, but the one thing it isn't is a dating service. I often use the name "Clockwork Kitten" when I play online, hence the name you see on the blog, and of course this always stirs up the same question by my fellow players: "r u a girl??" Now, you can generally do one of two things in this situation... ignore the question and make it a point to headshot the person who asked the question to make a statement, or answer 'yes' and watch people's heads implode. I understand that it's a rarity to see a girl playing a game that doesn't involve lining up little sparkly colored jems (unless it happens to be Super Puzzle Fighter II Turbo...), but it does happen. I know I shouldn't really be surprised at the reactions, but it does start to get irritating, mainly because they start asking for pictures or some crap, or if I have a boyfriend or whatever...

I never understood this completely... why is it that as soon as you mention the X chromosome, it's automatically assumed that there's a supermodel wanting to come over to your house and do things to you that best not be explained? I mean, I understand that everyone has their little fantasies, and I respect that. But when I'm trying to stick a plasma grenade to your forehead, I probably do not have any romantic interests in mind for you, unless you're into that sort of thing. Also, here's some things you guys should probably know about girl gamers:

From what I can tell, most guys think having a girl gamer as a girlfriend would be the most awesome thing ever. This probably isn't the case, the main reason being that girl gamers are a lot like guy gamers. You know all those women who complain that their men are stuck on World of Warcraft and won't get off of it, even if they strip down and lie down on the bed? Works both ways, guys... girl gamers are into their games just as much as you are. If you want to cuddle, but I haven't found a save point yet, you're just going to have to wait. Epic gear doesn't farm itself, kiddo. Also, I'm not interested in having a little MSN chat with you just because I joined your game. I'm probably there to watch your head explode through the scope of a high powered rifle. Secondly, if you're going to attempt to date a girl gamer, you need to have a few pre-requisites to keep them happy. First and foremost is a fast, stable internet connection. Don't try to pull the wireless shit, it's hardline all the way. Second, you probably would be good to have two separate TV's, or one huge TV so splitscreen doesn't feel like pulling teeth. Also, don't suck at the games you do own. If there's one thing I hate it's the, "I'll go easy on you." bullshit. You can hold open a door for me, you can buy me dinner, you can bring me breakfast in bed, but I'll be damned if you're going to not at least try to keep up...

And then there's the ones that get upset when they get their asses handed to them when they ARE trying, because they feel like someone just blew their balls off with a BFG when a girl kicks their ass. Though, this one just makes me laugh, so I don't mind. My point is, when a girl logs into a game online, they probably aren't there looking for love. They're looking to increase their frag count. So if you see me online, do me a favor: Make like a good target dummy and Shut up and Stand Still.


  1. I think I'd like a plasma grenade stuck to my forehead

  2. That last comment was numby, new to commenting

  3. There's this real sad stigma out there that girls don't game. It's a field dominated by boys and since it's dominated by boys, when someone who doesn't have a penis logs on, those with the penis' start thinking with 'em.

    It's a sad state of gaming. I can't imagine the BS you've had to endure over XBL.

  4. hehehe boys are so predictable.

  5. You are absolute is very engaging to play online games but for the strangers trying to invade our privacy and get to chat almost by their self will.