He who controls the spice, controls the universe...!

Okay. I get it. Oil spill. Jesus Christ, I knew this was going to give the Greenpeace fanboys wet dreams, and I was right. I swear to God people seem to THRIVE off of disaster. It's kind of sad, really. Recently, this whole thing about the big oil spill has been thrown in my face over and over again. I get it, it's a big deal.

And you know, it's not so much that it's an important event that needs to be documented. I understand that much, it's not something you just ignore. I'm well aware of that. But I really really wish all the environmentalists would keep their traps shut. I swear to god, as soon as the dust settled from the catastrophic failure of the rig, the green army leapt into action like howling monkeys, pointing at the oil companies and shouting, "AH HA! GOT YOU NOW, BITCH!"

Really? Is this necessary? I'm so sick and tired of all the freaking finger pointing about who's fault this is. Okay, so let's all blame the BP executives! In fact, let's put them on trial and put them in prison! Horray for justice! Oh wait. The oil's still there. Well fuck, that didn't solve anything, now did it? In fact, let's just put the only company with the most experience with dealing with this kind of situation COMPLETELY out of business and bankrupt it by throwing all these slanderous remarks at it, so that they can't spend the billions required to actually make any progress on this problem. God people are stupid.

But of course, these retarded hippies are just under the assumption that it's easy to fix this problem, and the evil oil executives are like the villains from Captain Planet, sitting in their offices and laughing at the destruction of the environment because that's what gets them off. They think, "We'll just go out there with a pack of organic, biodegradable napkins and soak up this mess with happy thoughts and rainbows." That's not how this works. People really need to stop taking TV seriously.

Let's back up and have a little lesson on the planet, shall we?
First question, where does oil come from? Show of hands? The earth? Yes, that's right. So that means what? Anyone? No? Well, that means that it's a 'natural' resource. Yes, that's right. Crude oil is produced by nature. It's just like a tree. Is that the sound of heads exploding at this revelation? The earth create something as EVIL as Oil? It can't be so! Something so hideous could only be created by the evils of man, right? Wrong. Crude oil is as natural as the birds it's killing. The Earth is destroying itself. There's a real newsflash for you.

Now that we've got that out of the way, let's look at this from a different perspective, shall we? In essence, mankind has just popped one of the biggest zits the earth has ever had. Yeah ok, so that was a bad idea. But hindsight is 20/20. Whining about it isn't going to fix the problem. Pointing fingers and having everyone yell, "Well this is all your fault!" at each other isn't very productive. At all.

The best part is now the president has been dragged into this. I couldn't make up comedy like this if I tried. So now, it's apparently somehow the President's fault that some privately owned company, (Who's headquarters are in London, England by the way) fucked up. I love how everyone suddenly wants to know what the government is going to do about this. Like they hold any responsibility to this at all. The government barely has the ability to pay it's teachers enough to keep them off the streets, and has everyone bitching about how the economy sucks and then they turn around and want them to fit the bill for this disaster? I think the fumes are already starting to affect people's judgment. If anyone has the ability and resources to fix this, BP does, and in fact, they have the most to gain from being the ones to solve the problem. So how about we not waste all their income on pointless court battles when they could be spending it on... you know... cleaning up the fucking oil?

I swear. Any chance people get to pull someone down from their high horse, they will, even if it means mutually assured destruction.