Wednesday, June 16, 2010

I'll buy that for a dollar...

Alright, today was an interesting day. Well, not all of it, but the small part of it where I decided to get lunch. I went to Taco Bell because it's cheap and I'm white and too much of a pansy to eat real Mexican food. (But in my defence, I can still call Taco Bell authentic Mexican food if the entire staff is Mexican, right?) Anyway, so I'm standing there waiting for my order to be prepared and hoping to god they don't slop sour cream on my burrito even though I told them specifically not to put it on THREE FREAKING TIMES, and I happen to glance over and see this little advertisement that reads, "Help a student graduate! Donate 1 dollar to..." and some random charity thing. Now, I'm not really a charity type of person to begin with, but I mean, I can see that some of them have at least a smidge of validation for their groveling for cash. I mean, technically supporting disease research helps, even though half the money goes to funding the scientists Starbucks addictions, and donating to Children's charities technically helps keep the streets clear of enough of the brats so that we aren't shoving them off the sidewalk with shovels... but this one in particular... I just couldn't help but find myself completely lost on the point.

So basically, you want my money to help your dumb kid graduate? How the hell does this work? When did money become duct tape? Why is it every time there's a problem people think that if you donate enough money, it will eventually go away. What, do you think if we bribe aids enough money it'll stop infecting people? I mean, I'm not really ragging on charity organizations in general, but this is starting to get a bit out of hand. How exactly is me donating a dollar (Which is one extra taco, mind you.) going to make your kid less stupid? If your child needs my pocket change to help them graduate, then I think you should be a bit worried about his well being AFTER he graduates. I'm all for supporting education, but this doesn't even to seem to make any sense.

Though, I'm sure if I bothered to read the fine print I'd find some explanation as to how exactly my dollar finds a way to teach Timmy his times tables, but I'm guessing most people who donate their dollars don't. Which is what really gets me confused. They suddenly see the word 'donate' and they think that they're making some kind of difference. If the word 'donate' is enough to get people to throw money at me, I think I have a plan to get more tips at work.

Okay, this is my plan. I'm going to make a sign that says we desperately need a tip jar, but we currently can't afford one. So, I'll petition for people to donate money for us to get a proper tip jar. The sad thing is, I bet it would work on some people. Especially if the only way people seem to be able to graduate now days is from donations from cheap asses like myself eating at Taco Bell.

I fear for humanity sometimes.

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