Friday, October 1, 2010

The little things that kill...

I've come to the conclusion that God doesn't exist. (Actually, I came to this conclusion around the same time I realized that Santa Claus, the Easter Bunny and the Tooth Fairy weren't real, but for the sake of this post, let's just say I've confirmed my theory.) Anyway, the deciding factor for this revelation was plopped down in front of me on my way home for a 2 hour break between shifts. I got a phone call. We had a problem at one of our stores. This problem basically confirmed my nagging suspicion that there was no God.


Yes, ants. There is no way a kind, loving God would have created such an abomination, or even allowed them to exist.

Anyway, so since my night was completely ruined by these little fuckers, I thought it would be a good chance to update you all on the suckfest that is my life, as apparently my life hasn't been horrible enough to provide me with enough content to fill this blog as much as I should.

Or I'm lazy.

In any case, I'm not actually that big of an insect-o-phobe. Bugs generally don't bother me (Except bees.) and I can live with most of them being around without it irritating me. Spiders, crickets, roaches.... pretty much all of things don't really freak me out that much. If confronted with one, I generally take measures to remove it without harm and simply relocate it to a more fitting location - away from me. But I'm not the type to jump up on furniture screaming, "Eeee! OMG! Kill it! Kill it!". I really don't see why it has to die simply for being at the wrong place at the wrong time. It's not really fair judgment for the poor creatures. Ants though. They can rot in the firey pits of hell. If it existed. Which is doesn't. Because there is no God.

These greedy little fuckers aren't content to bask in the nasty, chewy goodness of the outside world. No, of course not. You know, the world is a filthy place. I wouldn't walk outside barefoot if my life depended on it. You'd think with the shit that these things eat, they'd find plenty of stuff to munch on outside. But no. They have to be greedy and completely ignore everything around them and make this long (And I mean loooong...Consider the size of an ant compared to the distance they generally travel... It's kind of ridiculous.) ass trip that requires them to go up, over and through the most retarded jungle-gym of crap just to get inside and take YOUR food. Why? I don't get it. I think it's a conspiracy between the bees and the ants. They like to make you think they're simple minded creatures, but in truth, I think they do this shit on purpose.

Ants are small. Actually, small nowadays is pretty big if you've ever been to Starbucks, since apparently now Tall is Small. Ant's are smaller than that. Smaller than Tall. Smaller than small. In fact, they're in the race for the most space efficient creatures in existence other than fleas and microbes. The world, on the other hand, is big. Quite big. Large in fact. Even larger than Vente. So why is it one of the smallest creatures on the planet have to take over space that belongs to everything else? I don't get it.

There can't be a God, and if there is, I can only find one excuse for Ants. And that is that they are a mockery of humankind in the fact that they infest everything that isn't theirs and then mindlessly consume it until something comes along and squashes them. Well played, God. Well played.

I still want my two hours of life back though, fucker.


  1. I am not a fan of them either. But without ants I guess there would be more dead things lying around rotting, making the world a much smellier place.

  2. There are many such creatures which are more worst than ants- these poor creatures only consume the the things which are lay on the ground or sweets, but the mosquitoes they suck human blood-rather mosquitoes should be squashed.