Tuesday, February 15, 2011

Get Valentine...

Ha. Well, despite the world's determination to destroy me at every turn, I'm still alive. Well, the outside part of me is. I think I died inside at age 8. No one brought me flowers though.

Isn't it odd how flowers are a catch-all for emotion? You love someone, send them flowers. You feel bad for someone, send them flowers. Someone dies, send them flowers. It's like emotional duct tape. And ironically, just as flowers wilt and die over time, so do most of the feelings they represent. But this little rant isn't about heartbreak, despite the intro. You'd have to have a working heart for it to break. Luckily I've become so jaded that my heart consists of a material still waiting on a patent from the Rubbermaid corporation.

Not to say I LIKE Valentine's day. I kinda don't. I mean, it's not really as bad as things like Christmas or Thanksgiving, where everyone pretends to like each other just a little more so they don't seem like a douche-bag at the dinner table, because Valentine's day is limited to just mind-fucking your significant other, and not everyone you meet. I can respect that, as 90% of relationships these days are based on nothing more than physical attraction masked with a sense of, "Well we can't fuck if we don't love each other, because that would be wrong." So we all play pretend to make ourselves feel better about being the little slut bags we are. Oh, yes there are some relationships that have true depth and meaning to them, but in the emotional rainstorm that is Valentines day, most of them are just parking lot puddles getting deep enough to possibly wet your socks. They'll dry up by morning.

But, my disdain for Valentine's day doesn't stem from being heartbroken or any of that pre-teen Twilight nonsense. Mine comes from way, way back in elementary school. Anyone who went to public school knows the 'project' I'm about to talk about. You know the one where the teacher hands out paper bags and you decorate it with silly hearts and crap and cut a little slit in it so you can make it into a shitty little mailbox. You remember that, I know you do. Of course, part of this project also involved going down to the dollar store and picking up a pack of the cheapest 'kids' valentines cards you can find, you know, the pack with like 20 or 30 in it, that all say the same damn thing. Then, your job is to walk around and stick one in everyone's box. Then at the end of the whole charade, you open your box and see the same fucking shit as everyone else and the teacher tries to play on how much everyone must like you even though you know it was fucking MANDATORY for them to give you something. This just irked me as a kid, and it still does to this day. 364 days out of the year, I was surrounded by people who treated me like shit every single day, could care less if I died tomorrow, and would only miss me because then they'd have to find someone else to torment, when they'd already invested so much time in me, and then you try to tell me that ONE fucking day out of the entire year they CARE so much because they gave me a scrap of paper with my name spelled wrong on it under a picture of Batman and Robin holding a big pink heart? I may have been in 4th or 5th grade, but come on, that's just insulting.

Oh, but it does get better. You see, kids are sneaky and even if you force them to care, they'll find ways to show they don't. Like getting the valentines that are designed to go around a piece of candy, only all you get is the paper and all the people they ACTUALLY care about gets the candy part. Not that I particularly like candy, but still it's the statement that was most irritating.

Yeah, I know it's childish, and stupid to care about something like this at my age, but these are the things that stick with you as you get older. Or maybe I'm just crazy. I mean I do rant about nothing to a bunch of people I don't know, expecting someone to actually care. Maybe I am crazy. I dunno. Either way, Valentine's Day sucks, but there are other holidays that are worse. I mean, at least I can just ignore Valentine's Day. Most people don't throw it in my face, so I have to be thankful for that at least. But other ones, like St. Patrick's Day... God, I'm seriously not looking forward to that one. When I work, I have to wear a uniform. That uniform does not have green on it. You can see where I'm going with this.


Anyway, as for why I haven't posted for like... months.... well it's a mixture of being busy, lazy, and forgetful. Yes, I know. It's not a valid excuse. But whatever, if I had readers they've probably abandoned me by now and for good reason. So, I don't take it to heart, as it's my fault as usual. I swear, I should have been born a cat, then my lack of attention span would be considered 'cute'. And people would feed me. And pet me. And I'd be happy. Well, until I puked on the rug... but I'm sure I'd forget about that as well as soon as I found something shiny to play with.

(By the way, anyone who gets the reference in this post's title gets 5 points. Hint: Apple IIe.)


  1. Hey CWK =)
    Sorry you had such crappy time with some of the other kids in school. I agree, Valentines day stinks. But, I think that about all of the other holidays too.

    (--Only if you were born a cute kitty cat who had a loving home. Sadly, strays on the corner dont get much love.)

    Miss you at BC!

  2. Perhaps this is my first comment on your blog! Don't beat yourself up so much? I think you're bright, insightful and lovely. I see many people in my office who have memories like yours stuck in their system. When those memories and programs are released with the emotional stings removed, they become truly free and happy. This what I wish for you and it is a possibility.

  3. Just put your attention on others, make your self busy and positive and you'll forget bad things and you'll see! you'll achieve the everlasting happiness. Thanks!