Friday, January 29, 2010

You must be this tall...

So, I've been tinkering. And editing. And tinkering. I like to tinker, it's fun. Fixed up the blog a bit, made it shiny. And bigger. Bigger is good.

So anyway, I'm toying around and I notice this little next blog button at the top and being the curious person I am, if there's a button and I don't know what it does, I just gotta press it. So I press it and it turns out it randomly throws me into one of my internet neighbor's house. 'Kay.

So I'm cycling through some of this stuff and I come to realize, "My god, there's housewives and soccermoms on the internet." I knew this was true in the back of my head, just like how you know your mom and dad have had sex at one point or another. It's just when faced with the reality, it's a bit more harsh on the brain. So I'm floating through and see pages about normal families that have nothing better to do than post about how little Tommy just coughed up his first tooth and they have to post the same picture in like 40 different angles just to get the point across that their little loinspawn is growing up. I don't like kids. I especially don't like babies. But you know, I can get past that, they exist, and everyone had to be an annoying brat at some time in their life. I'm willing to accept that. But dear god, do we need National Geographic style article on why your child is the most amazing thing in the world because he can go for 10 minutes without being cross-eyed and drooling on himself? Though, I have to admit for the average person that is quite an accomplishment in this day and age...

My point is... this never used to happen. The internet used to be this mystical space of dark corners and hidden gems that only those willing to delve into the depths were able to enjoy. Remember when Newgrounds was new and didn't care about offending anyone? That was the internet. Then the term 'user friendly' was announced sometime in early 1999 and suddenly the internet was open to anyone! Huzzah!

Oh wait, no that's not a good thing. I have to deal with these people in the real world. Why is it that this Martha Stewart irritation is flooding my digital vibe? I dunno. I don't claim to be more important than any of these people. That's not what I"m getting at. It's just the internet used to be my little playground, along with the rest of us denizens from years gone past. This was our turf. You know, it wouldn't be so bad if we got a little respect for being here first. It's like the occupation of America all over again. We're being sectonalized into little camps, which are getting smaller and smaller as the 'normal' people show up. Because 'normal' people are weird. 'Normal' people get offended. I mean hell, there's a warning you have to pass to get on my blog just because I occasionally use the word fuck. I mean technically I could turn it off, but all I need is little Timmy reading my shit and his mom deciding that I'm a bane to her son's existence because I use bad words on the internet, heaven fucking forbid. Every day you hear news reports of, "OMG, guess what?! We found naughty stuff on the internet! Who would do such a thing, those heathens!" because their little bubble world has been shattered by the fact that when you take away someone's face they don't really give a shit anymore about trying to keep up appearances.

Again, this isn't the core of what irritates me. If these delusional fucks wanna play in my pool, I don't mind. I'm not a greedy person, the internet is a great asset for everyone to enjoy, but when you start pissing in it and claiming that you can do it better because you're an important person with 5 kids who knows a lot of things about life, like grocery shopping and balancing a checkbook, I get a little miffed. Whatever. You're not in your world anymore. You're in mine. The rules are different here, and you don't get to vote. But as the saying goes, never underestimate the power of idiots in large numbers, and it rings true here as well. Get enough people to complain about something and the government tries to step in and say, "Oh god! You offended the sensibilities of someone who drives a minivan and pays taxes! You better not do that again!" Only they have no idea how this works either and try to apply real life laws to a digital society. Good luck with that. Meanwhile, I'm going to blow off some heads in Wolfenstein: Enemy Territory while you enjoy your Peggle. Just don't strain yourself, cause you might miss out on all the exciting offers the Google Chrome Yahoo Assfuck toolbar has to offer. Like knowing what the weather is like in Cuba.

1 comment:

  1. I remember way back in the day, when I couldn't have a computer, so I'd dial up on my dreamcast and poke around. It was such a better place back then.