Wednesday, February 3, 2010

Made with all-natural ingredients...

Am I the only one about fed up with all this organic and all-natural bullshit being plastered all over today's consumer products? It sure seems like it, because it's like suddenly somebody had a mid-life crisis after eating a bowl of frosted flakes and ran down the street screaming 'My life is a lie!' because they found out there was high-fructose corn syrup in it, which in turn caused wide spread panic in the fact that all the unhealthy, greasy shit we consume every day may contain *gasp* fake grease. Isn't it odd that 20 years ago, scientists were raving about the fact that one day we may be able to get all of our daily nutrition from one simple pill, making life so much easier for people trying to stay healthy only to finally be one step away from it being reality and suddenly have everyone scream how unnatural it is and demanding everyone go back to 'real food'. It may just be me, but does that seem counter-productive to anyone else? Okay, so what I'm getting from this is the whole point of scientific progress is to waste time and resources to create things that people are going to decide they don't want 10 years down the road...

You know, this is why I hate hippies. It's not just the drugs, but that's part of it. The only good thing about hippies is that their name reflects who they are pretty accurately, because these people are the biggest bunch of hypocrites I've ever seen in my entire life. That's not an accomplishment to take lightly, either. The fight for this title is pretty fierce. Seriously though, if they had it their way we'd all be living in grass huts and be stoned 90% of the day, and some how this is considered 'enlightenment'. Right. The biggest thing that irritates me about these nature freaks though, is their constant use of buzzwords like organic and all-natural that, when put into perspective, don't make much sense at all. Let's take a simple look at the biggest word, Natural, shall we...?

So, Natural means something that comes from nature. Simple enough, right? But then by that definition, everything on the fucking planet is natural because it all came from the planet. That includes the 10 story high rise condos with the penthouse apartments with the air conditioning, dimmer lighting and WiFi access. I mean, how is it not? All the materials used to create it were cultivated from the earth. We're not just pulling this shit out of some pocket dimension full of strange and magnificent wonders that mankind could only dream of making himself. It's basic elements that have been refined into something usable. Not that complicated.

And of course, the first argument I always get from these tree-huggers is, "Well it didn't grow that way! That's not natural!" Yeah. You're right. It doesn't. But neither do bee hives, birds nests, beaver dams, anthills, rabbit burrows or spider webs. They're all created by taking natural resources and crafting them into something that doesn't happen naturally. But of course, most people consider these things to be perfectly natural. I love when I go to the store and see things like, "All-natural honey." Yes. Congratulations on purchasing regurgitated plant matter that just happens to be kept in a particular set of conditions to transform it into a completely different substance from it's original form. But at least it's natural, right? Give me a break. But it's so easy to try and separate ourselves from animals and say that just because we can put together a device that transforms electrical signals into pretty colors it's completely different because we're not as dumb as a beaver, who can only stack wood on top of one another and pack it in place using mud as a reinforcing agent. It's the same fucking thing.

This is the reason I call them hypocrites. Because they feel like they've no longer become a part of nature but instead have to become it's keeper, like they're some demi-god of the fucking woodland. No, you're flesh and blood like nearly everything else that moves on this planet and I'll be damned if I ever see any other animals worry about conservation or even complete genocide if the conditions were right. Animals don't fucking care if what they do destroys the environment, we've seen this in creatures like locusts and rats all the time. Given the option, polar bears would happily let sea lions go extinct if it meant a full stomach. This shit does not happen in nature, but suddenly you've become some agent of Gaia who's mission is to protect all the cute and fuzzy woodland creatures who would rather gut you than look at you? Humans have evolved this way because it's our natural progression. So yes, these 'urban jungles' are as natural as birds building nests and moles digging holes. It's what we do as a species, there's nothing unnatural about it. Trying to go against this type of evolutionary progress is by far one of the most unnatural things you can do. So if you so much as try to tell me how trees are better than street lights, so help me I will bury you in the ground next to an ant-hill and smother you in some organic, all-natural honey.

This isn't even the end of the madness though. They've recently gone back to putting real sugar in soda again. Bwha?! Back up, I'm a bit confused here. I was always told that shit was bad for you and the whole reason artificial sweeteners exist is because of the fact that they were engineered to be HEALTHIER than fucking sugar. Now all of a sudden out of nowhere this shit we've spent years developing for the soul purpose it was a healthy alternative to sugar is BAD for you because it's not natural? The fuck? That's not how things work. The world is not that convenient.

I am so fucking tired of people jumping on every new hype because fancy words are attached to it. 'Healthier' soda? For fuck's sake if you're that much of a health nut that you actually care whether or not there's real sugar in your damn chemical cocktail, you shouldn't be drinking it in the first place, idiot.

You know what we really need? We need to discover some all-natural, certified organic, not-from-concentrate way of making people less stupid.


  1. "You know what we really need? We need to discover som all-natural, certified organic, not-from0concentrate way of making people less stupid"


  2. With a picture of fruit as my avatar you know I'm going to have something to say here. Sooo...

    But what if it's the artificial sweeteners that were the fad and that they were based on faulty science? From what I've read (primarily on, they've been found to burn holes in the brains of monkeys. I'll pass on experiencing that, thanks!

    What these "hippies" or health nuts often don't understand, or just fail to explain properly, is that it's whether or not the molecules (vitamins, etc) are damaged or not. Because if they're damaged by extreme overheating & over-processing then the cells of your body no longer recognize them as being useful or compatible, and if they aren't compatible, it's quite often a stress on them. When cells are constantly stressed by their environment they become worn out and dysfunctional (they can't operate properly), which basically equates to "dis-ease" because they're no longer at ease.

    It's also necessary to understand that humans evolved as one with their environment. Our bodies are made of the environment, and quite literally, this is a "food body." Trying to build a body with "unnatural" substances is much like building a new house with parts from an old house that was damaged and torn down.

    The contextual use of the words "natural" and "unnatural" must be kept correct otherwise we fall into error and misunderstanding.

    Then there's the placebo effect which says we are only subject to what we believe, so is anything I wrote here really true at all at a higher level?

    But we humans are just animals, and we ARE stupid, so I reserve the right to later retract everything here in case it turns out that maybe I'm wrong about everything I just said. :)


  3. Our science is horribly flawed, mostly because its the food companies who are paying the scientist's salaries. Consider Beta Carotene. We know it is good for us in a carrot. So some scientists isolated it and stuck it in a pill. Turns out, even low doses of the stuff will actually KILL you. There's something about a carrot that makes it safe AND good for you...and we dont know what that something is. Scientists tend to isolate elements to study them, but in "nature" (you're a bit hung up on the dictionary definition of the word, instead of the spirit of the word, do you think?), elements work together, in conjuction with each other. Today's example of that kind of scientist screw-up is Omega-3. Low fat foods were good for us...but OOPS!...turn out when you artificially remove fat, our cells absorb Omega-6 instead, which is bad for you. So they have to stick Omega-3s back into our systems to make up for their mistake. Frankly, if we all ate like Hippies (skip the brownies, though), we'd never have had that little slip-up.

    You dont have to become a hippie to appreciate the idea that real food is really good for you!