Saturday, February 27, 2010

No Dogs Allowed...

Okay, I know it's odd for me to have a stint where I ignore my blog for a while then suddenly make two posts in the same day, but in my defense my last post was made at 4am before I went to bed. So technically this is tomorrow. This is also one of the reasons I don't own pets. I don't like having to pay attention to things for long periods of time.

Which brings me to a mini-rant today: Dogs.

So, there's this dog. My mom's friend's dog, to be exact. It's been left here for a few hours while they go off to a bridal shower or something of that nature. Apparently, this thing thinks that the end of the world is neigh, and that it will never have human contact as long as it lives. I've been happily obliging it by keeping my bedroom door shut but dear fucking god, the thing has not lost it's voice yet, despite yapping at the fucking door ever since they left.

I would like to take this opportunity to point out that yes, I do happen to live with my mother at this time, but no I'm not in the basement and it's because doing so provides a cheaper rent situation for us both at the moment. I have a job, and up until two months ago was living quite well on my own, thank you very much.

Anyway, back to the dog. So this is why I hate dogs. Similar to why I hate babies. Because they require attention, a lot of attention. What happens if they don't get the attention they seek? They make noise. Lots and lots of noise. Lots of irritating noise. You know, I kind of sympathize for the Grinch a bit. Everyone thought he was just a grouchy old green guy who hated Christmas. I think it was more along the lines that he lived next to a bunch of inconsiderate a-holes that let their kids run around screaming at 4am and played loud obnoxious music on the weekends while he was trying to nap. Kind of like where I live now. These fuckers don't deserve Christmas.

Okay, anyway, I was getting back to the dog, yes. So anyway, dogs are annoying for various reasons. They smell bad, they drool, they can't be litter trained which means they need to go outside often, and if you're not constantly paying attention to them they yap like a motherfucker. Why is it dogs never lose their voice? Is this some kind of cosmic joke where I can yell at the top of my lungs for 2 and a half hours about something and then get punished by not being able to talk the next day or two, but these little fuckers can go on and on for 6 to 10 hours a day and keep going like the Energizer fucking bunny. Now, I'm not a pet person. The only reason I live with cats is because my mom takes care of them. I do like cats, I just don't like taking care of things. You know why cats are better than dogs? Let me explain:

Cats are self sufficient individuals that can occupy themselves with some form of entertainment when you are not available to pet them. I like that. They're very much 'now' animals. They are flexible and can work out something to do if you don't have the time to mess with them. Dogs, however, are not. They require constant attention from you, and if you so much as look in the other direction they start freaking out like they've got abandonment issues ingrained in their fucking skulls from birth, even if you've had the thing from before it can remember it's own existence. The things go on like they're going to fucking die if you leave them alone for more than 2 minutes, and I don't see how anyone can put up with it. Some people think it's cute, or are so emotionally scarred that they believe that a dog's affection and 'loyalty' make them feel like someone depends on them. Fuck that. They're obnoxious, greedy little assholes that are all about 'me' and can care less if you have something you'd rather be doing than giving them a belly rub or playing fetch for the 40th thousand time. I don't need some animal clamped on my leg to feel validated in my existence.

Actually, this sounds like 90% of all relationships I've ever seen. Maybe I should just chalk this one up to people being stupid, and thinking that if they suffer enough, they will automatically get something for all their hard work. Unfortunately, life doesn't work that way and sometimes you stand in line for 4 hours only to find out that you're in the line for the bathroom instead of that cool ride you thought you were waiting for at the amusement park. Lucky for you, though, all that waiting probably made you have to go to the bathroom anyway, so you feel validated in your decision even though you could have just gone home and used your own bathroom instead of wasting your fucking time.


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