Wednesday, April 7, 2010

Would you like fries with that...?

I try not to talk too much about things directly related to my personal life, as the internet is a big place and you never know who gets into what, but I have some things to say simply because I cannot take it anymore.

For a bit of background, I'm currently working for an locally owned, independent restaurant chain. It pays the bills, so for now, it's what's getting me by. We've all had one of 'those' jobs. Anyway, as such, I get to interact with a plethora of different people from all walks of life. It's a cultural menagerie that is sometimes kind of entertaining to watch. However, I've come to one ultimate conclusion:

A lot of people are really stupid.

I know I've said this before. A lot. But in this particular case, I really really mean it. So, as a public service, I'd like to go over some basic things that people should know when they walk into a restaurant of any kind.

1. When there's a sign that says, 'Order Here' in big bold letters, it generally means you don't have to ask, "Can I order here?"

2. When you order something plain, that generally means it comes with nothing but the base materials of the meal. That does not mean it comes with mayo. That's not what plain is.

2a. After ordering something plain, it is unnecessary to add, "With no onions." that already comes with the 'plain' bit.

3. When someone asks you what size you'd like, "Yes" is not considered a size.

3a. "Yes" is also not a flavor.

4. As a courtesy, you will sometimes be asked if you wanted something you may have forgotten. Like fries, or a drink. It would be in your best interest to listen to what people are asking you, instead of going, "No thanks, but let me get two fries and a large Coke with that."

4. "Root beer Soda" is redundant. Root beer only comes in one state: Soda. So, there's no reason to get in your car vehicle, drive down the road street, and come into the restaurant food place and order a root beer soda.

5. When you have the choice between Large and Small, "Medium" is not an option. Even if you ask for it twice.

5a. Unless specifically stated on the menu, "Regular" is also not a size.

6. If there are no numbers on the menu, do not expect us to know what you want when you order a "Number 1."

7. Do not order a bacon double cheese burger with extra cheese, two corn dogs, two fries and a small Diet Coke. We will laugh at you when you're not looking.

8. If you are going to throw garbage on the floor, at least have the common decency to do it when no one is looking directly at you. Especially if it's an employee holding a broom and dustpan.

9. If there are 5 people in line behind you waiting to order, it's probably not worth it to spend 10 minutes digging for 28 cents in change if you don't have to. You are not making things easier on anybody.

10. If you want something 'well done' it's probably best to let us know before we wrap it up and hand it to you.

This is just the tip of the iceberg, but hopefully this is enough to illustrate the fact that being a moron can happen to anyone, at any time. The best way to prevent yourself from looking like a complete idiot is to think before you speak. It works wonders. You should try it some time.


  1. I had this one poster that comes from the Dilbert Comics that has a picture of Dilbert running saying, "Stupidity is everywhere, try not to get any on you!" I love that saying and wish that people werent so dumb when it came to such easy things to understand.

  2. What about asking to get your food to go when you're going through a fast food drive through? My Dad did that once years ago when I was a kid while we were on holidays.

  3. Great post! It was just "plain" funny!!

  4. Reg 1: Sometimes it is just a way of starting conversation
    Reg 2: people outside your restaurant industry who rarely eat out are not supposed to know everything you do
    Reg 3, 3a, 4 (the first 4, not second): It should be obvious they don't understand what you are saying, just as you dont. Try to be more loud and clear so that they have no difficulty getting you.
    And why the heck isn't regular a size? Cheaters

  5. I'd like to address some of the concerns posted by asondairy here:

    1: That's not starting a conversation, unless someone thinks starting a conversation with a perfect stranger with a stupid question makes them seem likeable in that socially inept kind of way.

    2: Plain means plain. It's in the dictionary. Look it up.

    3, 3, and 4 (The first one, I just noticed I have two 4's... wow. I feel retarded now.): It's not obvious that they didn't understand, what's obvious is that they're specifically not listening because they don't care about what you have to say. They expect you to know what they want without having to tell you, because only psychics are allowed to work at restaurants, apparently. 'Small, Medium or Large' is not really hard to figure out, or maybe it is?

    And regular is only a size at certain, specific restaurants. Look up 'regular' in the dictionary and there will be no mention of it being related to size. Whoever started this trend is retarded.

  6. On 7 -- I am the type that will make five trips to the buffet, or order two meals at once, and wash down the dinner(s) with a diet soda... preferably a diet root beer soda.

    But, it isn't for the weight loss aspect. I genuinely find diet sodas taste better than regular sodas. Saccharine and aspartame may be deadly, but they're delicious.