Tuesday, March 30, 2010

It wasn't funny the first time...

Great. April 1st is only a day away. Everyone knows what that means. April Fool's Day. I absolutely hate April Fool's Day. Why? Well, let me enlighten you...

First off, I don't like pranks. I never have. I couldn't get into shows like Jackass because I don't see what's so funny about making other people miserable. I'm just not that kind of person. Yeah, I know, I'm kinda weird in the fact that human suffering doesn't make me giggle. Sorry Vlad, just not my thing. I've always been a big believer in the whole, 'If you don't like the game, don't play it.' thing. As such, on top of the fact that I find pranks to be annoying and unfunny, I also do not play them on anyone else. Ever. I would like to think that people would have the common decency to leave me out of this stupid little game of theirs every year. Unfortunately life is not fair and people are assholes.

Inevitably at some point I'm going to get a phone call. This phone call will probably be from the guy in the scheduling department, informing me that so-and-so has called in sick and I'm going to have to cover the shittiest shift we have. And do extra work. And I will inform him that he's full of shit and he needs to leave me the fuck alone. Of course, he'll continue with 'No, really. I'm not joking.'

Why do people do this?

It's obvious you've been caught. It's over. But people insist that 'No, no! This is not a prank! For reals!' and you can argue with them for 20 minutes on it, and they will deny it until they're blue in the face. So finally, you cave in and give up because you just want to get on with your life and go, 'Really?'

Then it hits:

"Haha! April Fools! I totally got you."

No. You didn't. I told you you didn't. The only only fool here is you for wasting my fucking time. I knew it was a joke. It was blatantly obvious. The only reason I 'fell for it' was so that you would shut the fuck up. Being an annoying twat does not make you funny, sorry. This is why I hate April Fool's, and pranks in general. Most of them are stupid, and are totally transparent. But the person will insist, regardless of how improbable the premise may be, that they are telling the truth. That's not how funny works.

Ugh, I'm dreading that day. I want to call in sick, turn off my phone and lock my door and hide under my bed. But in the end the joke's still on me because I'm once again sacrificing the enjoyment of my day to idots with nothing better to do than torment me even further.

Do you need a permit to own a taser? I should look into that, I think it will bring much satisfaction to my daily life if I can shock the shit out of someone every time they do something stupid...

...It'd probably cost a fortune in batteries, though.


  1. It's not worth wasting your money...

    April 1st is just another day to me. Fortunately, I manage to live and work in environments where I'm not pranked, because generally speaking, I'm with adults in the true sense. I don't understand some people (who clearly haven't progressed beyond the teenage years) who insist on playing a prank on you. Those practical jokers – they're such wags, aren't they? Their pleasure is derived from your pain as they think up ever more elaborate ways to hurt you physically and embarrass you mentally. "Ooh, I'm funny, me." No you're not. Leave me alone.

  2. April Fool's Day is one of those few days or occasions in the year when boring, sensible types feel they have the right, even duty, to engage in a bit of "hilarity" or other uncharacteristic behaviour.
    Other times include the work Christmas party, and any of the Hallmark holidays. These people only succeed in proving to others they do not understand the concept of humour or how to have a good time, and so it becomes apparent how utterly unbearable they are the rest of the time.