Melts in your mouth...

I think it's about time to dust this thing off for another round of "When stupid people attack: Celebrity Edition". In recent news (I.E. I was browsing the Yahoo Homepage while collecting my e-mail) it would seem that noted famous person Naomi Campbell is up in arms over an apparently racist ad that used her name. Now, seeing as I don't normally keep up with celebrities that much, I know that Naomi Campbell is famous for something but right now I can't really recall what for. But, since she's in the news I guess I'll take the media's word for it that she's important enough to have her asinine opinions put up for the world to see.

Actually, give me a second. Let me Google this shit...

Oh, so apparently she's a supermodel. This is delightfully ironic. So, more or less she's famous for being sexually attractive an the only reason she's in the position to make this kind of a stupid fuss is because people like to look at her tits. Yes, I can totally see how this would make her perfect for being at the forefront of any kind of 'equal rights' movement. This should be entertaining...

Now, before we get too far into this delightful little nugget of WTF, let's go over something. I'm not a racist. I believe everyone has the equal right to present themselves as a complete moron without bias. In fact, most of the time I can't tell the difference between people because they all tend to be just as dumb as everyone else, just in a different shade. With that out of the way, let's move on to the chewy center of this whole thing...

So apparently Mrs. Campbell was offended at this advertisement that ran in Europe for a short period of time:

Now, apparently this ad is racist because it's comparing her to chocolate and because they share the same color, it's offensive.

Excuse me, what? Are you serious? So... let me get this straight.... this woman is seriously OFFENDED that someone would compare her to the two things most people love: Chocolate and Diamonds. In fact, it's chocolate in a PILE of diamonds. Holy fuck, I mean... maybe I'm just crazy here, but I think there are worse things to be compared to. On top of that, it's common knowledge that everyone loves the chocolate. And correct me if I'm wrong, but hasn't the black community been referring themselves to chocolate for years? Now all of a sudden it's offensive? Really? Is there a newsletter we're supposed to sign up for so we can be notified when a word that was previously a compliment is now an insult (And apparently vice-versa in some cases....)

You know, it occurs to me now that maybe Naomi considered the ad more of a challenge than anything else. I mean, it really does take a Diva to get upset about being compared to a fucking bar of chocolate. Maybe she saw the ad, and was like, "Oh, you think you can be more pampered and dramatic than I can? You've got another thing coming, Cadbury! Ohohohoho!" Okay, so maybe she didn't include the evil laugh.

And you know what the worst part about this whole story is? Cadbury bowed down and apologized for the ad. Another blow to common sense. I don't think it can take much more of this abuse before the whole world crumbles into a giant writhing mass of bitch-fests documented on film and put on TV as the next reality show. I'm all for things that are ACTUALLY offensive being handled accordingly, but seriously the only valid argument Naomi has in this is that they apparently used her name without permission. And even then it's a flimsy claim as they didn't even use her full name, but I'm willing to give this air-headed little starlet the benefit of the doubt. The problem is though, she didn't sue because they used her name. She sued by playing the fucking race card. Is anyone else getting tired of this? I know I am.

Maybe if people started playing with a full deck, they wouldn't have to keep playing the same damn card over and over again.

Friendship is Magic...

Okay, so lately I've been going back to the traditional route for things I do online. This normally being playing video games and reading online comics. Yes, I'm a nerd. Deal with it.

Anyway, sometimes I also watch web series such as Red vs. Blue and Zero Punctuation... however not long ago I ran across a very delightful viewing experience that is actually a show on real TV (I know, shocker that thing still exists, right?).

The thing that makes this show different is that it's a kids cartoon. Designed for kids. But for some reason, no matter your age, it draws you in and you can easily get hooked on it. Now, bare with me on this because it's probably something you aren't expecting. This amazingly awesome cartoon is none other than the new series of My Little Pony.

Yes. I said it. My Little Pony is back. And it's amazing. Before you start laughing, you should take a minute and check it out. It's not just a show for girls, either... in fact the majority of this show's following is adult males from 18 to 34. I'm not joking. Take a look for yourself:



I know what your first reaction is going to be. "This is the dumbest thing ever... and that theme song... oh god, why am I watching this?!" Yes, that's everyone's first reaction. But keep watching. If you watch the first three episodes and are not screaming 'OMG MOAR!', then you are free to go. So yes. I admit it. I now watch My Little Pony, and I feel 20% cooler for doing so.

And since this is related, I thought I'd bring this up. The webforum I visit, BlogCatalog, hosts this thing called Bloggers Unite. Normally, I'm not really interested, as they mostly just cater to charities that I think are a waste of time and effort, but this one deserves a little attention. Their current campaign is this:

International Day of Compassion
in honor of  Dr. Patch Adams, M.D.

Now, I'm not all hyped about this or anything, but there's an interesting interview with Dr. Adams on another blogger's site, which can be found here: http://askcherlock.com/2011/05/audio-interview-cher-talks-with-dr-patch-adams/

If you're like me, you were probably thinking, "Wait, isn't this guy dead already?" because they already made a movie about him and I thought there was some unwritten hollywood rule about not making a documentary style movie about someone while they were still alive. But hey, I'm glad he is. I'll admit, I didn't listen to the whole interview but I did skip through some of the parts, and you know... this Patch guy is an pretty interesting guy. I think what he's doing is a bit more of what the world needs, even though I think there should be more than ONE day devoted to this kind of thing.

Everyone could use a little more compassion, and ponies, in their lives. If either one of these things makes you feel like being a little more caring, then I think this post has accomplished it's goal.

And no, I'm not turning over a new leaf. I'm still the cynical, jaded wiseass I've always been... but the point of my blog has always been for people to learn how to stop being stupid and stop making the world such a hard place to live in. (And hopefully, a good laugh here and there.) If it wasn't for my utter fear of clowns (Mainly for their horrible sense of fashion), I would probably very much enjoy sitting down for a chat with Dr. Patch myself. But the man is way too busy making a difference in people's lives to waste on someone like me who just bitches at passers by on the internet like a crazy homeless person.

Here's to you, Dr. Adams, for actually making me give a damn about one of these otherwise overly hyped charity things people try to shove in my face every other day.

What's the number for 911...?

You know, being an American, I have many times where I hang my head in shame at my fellow Americans. This is again one of those times.

If you haven't heard, (and if you haven't heard, you've probably been living under a rock... or possibly a fortified compound with no connection to the outside world...) they finally killed Osama Bin Laden.

This doesn't really bother me though, in fact... the guy deserved it, really. I don't have a problem with that. The thing I have a problem with is the reaction from the American people. Let me take the time to apologize to the rest of the world for our obnoxious, hypocritical behavior, because it doesn't seem like anyone else is going to do it.

What am I talking about? The celebrating. It's ridiculous, and I for one am appalled by it. Call me a sympathizer or anti-American or whatever buzzword garbage they spew from Fox News, but at least you can't call me a hypocrite. What am I talking about? Well, if you look back at the day the towers fell, the infamous event known as '9/11', the reaction from a certain part of the world will come across as disturbingly familiar. When it happened... the anti-American organizations of the world celebrated. There was dancing in the streets, singing, flag waving. All in celebration of people dying.

And now, we have another person dead, and what are we doing? We're dancing in the streets, singing and flag waving. Really, America? Is this what we stand for? If this is how people are going to respond to death, regardless of who's death it is... well, my hope for humanity is fading rapidly. I'm an American. I'm proud to be an American. I'm proud for what we stand for.

The problem is that people have lost sight of what we stand for. We stand for justice, peace, and equality for all mankind. We do not stand for revenge. A criminal was brought to justice... yes. That's a good thing. But a man also died. Actually, quite a few people died. Even if he deserved it, you shouldn't celebrate the killing of another person. It had to be done, I agree wholeheartedly and for the families directly effected by the 9/11 event, I'm glad there is finally some closure for them. But singing? Dancing?

We're better than this. This moment is a historic moment. But it is also a solemn one. A cycle of death leads to more death. The celebration should be for the end of that cycle, not the sight of more death.

As I said... I'm an American.

But before that I am a human. Humanity as a whole is better than this. One day, I hope the rest of them will see that.

Oh, it's you...

So, long time no blog. Bleh, I mean, I come by and look at this thing once in a while and I get the urge to post something and then suddenly I get the urge to fall asleep. I swear I should have been born a cat. But, just so I don't feel like I'm wasting ALL of my time, it's about time to update what's going on in my utterly pointless, boring existance.

Couple new things... one... NEW COMPUTAR! And I'm not just talking some little bucket that I managed to get working. I went all out and dropped a good hard earned load on this thing. Wait... that sounded... uh... anyway, moving on... let's just say I can finally play all the stuff I've been stuck not being able to play.

First up on the menu is going to be Portal 2.

All I have to say is this: My god, there has never been a better digital experience known to man than this. I'm not making this up. Valve has outdone themselves and has created THE perfect game. Again. Portal 1 was fantastic. It was something beyond the scope of what most people would deem perfection... and Valve IMPROVED perfection. And then added multiplayer. Mutliplayer Perfection folks, that's some shit right there. Even if you don't like video games, find someone who owns this game and watch them play it. You will be entertained in a way you have never been entertained before. That's all I really can say.

Also... long awaited and finally able to get involved.... Starcraft II baby! Though somewhat overshadowed by the perfection that is Portal 2, it's still a great update to the game I poured so many hours into. I'm not going to bore you with all the little details, but I've been having a lot of fun learning the new units. Oh, and having a new mouse helps... especially a mouse with 17 fuckin' buttons on it, BIATCHES! That's right, I have a 1-12 NUMBERED KEYPAD on the side of my mouse. It's FANTASTIC.

Eh.... anyway, some non-game and computer related stuff time now... if you've noticed, which you probably haven't because you've probably been waiting for an obituary post instead, I've updated my links section, even if I haven't updated the blog itself. I found a new nifty little webcomic that seems to have just started not too long ago called Spinnerette. It's not entirely an original concept as far as superhero comics go, but at the same time it's a lot of fun to read regardless. Also, even though I've been following this comic since long before I started a blog, I recently started reading Las Lindas again. I'll be straight up honest about this one... it's a furry comic, and it's probably not going to appeal to everyone, but I got some enjoyment out of it, and it's my damn blog so I'll link to whatever I damn well please. Last up is Bittersweet Candybowl. The art is not as good as the first two I linked but there's a lot of heart in this comic and the style is not so bad, really. It's just different. Also, this one has it's funny moments, but in reality has a lot more of a dramatic feel to it. I'm generally not into drama that much but the story is one that gets you feeling for the characters without it trying to shove the drama down your throat. I can appreciate that.

 That's all I can think of right now. I'll try to come up with something funny and/or entertaining for my next post. Hopefully soon. But I'm not gonna promise anything... after all - those minerals ain't gonna mine themselves...

We got a long way to go and a short time to get there...

It's link-drop time everybody! Yes, I've been cruising the forums over at BlogCatalog because I have nothing better to do with my life but hit 'refresh' on a webpage at 6 a.m. when I should be sleeping for work. But since when have I ever done anything productive? I sure as hell don't plan to start now.

Anyway, so I was flipping along and this guy moooooog35 (Yes. That's his real name. Ask him.) whom I've not directly chatted with but may have possibly read the same posts I have and commented on them as well drew my attention with his most recent post about online dating services. You can entertain yourself with the read here: http://www.midgetmanofsteel.com/2011/02/undercover-brother-dos-and-donts-of.html

The guy is witty, and... well... devilishly clever. But my personal comments, or reason for this post isn't just about praise for his clever ruse, it's just an intro for one of my personal points of hatred: Dating sites. I mean, I get the gist of the whole thing. It's like blind dates, only over the internet. I mean, fuck... you can get pretty much everything else online, why not a girlfriend/boyfriend, right? It was bound to happen. But it kinda makes be sad because our society has degenerated so much that people aren't even looking to build meaningful relationships anymore. They're looking for pre-packaged, ready-to-serve relationships you can order online, which is what most dating sites are. You set up a profile, which consists of an image of the product, it's various features and warranties, occasionally some accolades on it's abilities, and price tag. Is this what we've been reduced to? Taking our lives, boxing them up and putting them on a shelf in hopes someone is desperate enough to pick it up? What ever happened to just meeting people anymore? Talking with them and getting to know them as people, not 'potential relationship candidates'. This is why I hate dating sites. Because these people aren't 'friends'. Most of society doesn't even know what the word 'friend' means anymore, thanks to twitter, myspace, facebook and it's ilk. You ask someone how many friends they have, they say things like '400' or so, or even in the thousands if they're willing to post half-naked pictures of themselves on their profile page. Just who are these 'friends' of yours? Most of them you've probably never even met, or know, but they 'liked' you on Facebook and are now your 'friend'. And now, we're going the next step and taking girl/boyfriend and convoluting that as well. I already feel that the 'friend' part of boyfriend/girlfriend isn't real. Most people in relationships aren't friends at all. They're mutual partners in an agreement of some sort. It's like a business deal. Each one comes with a set of conditions that have to be met or the merger falls apart. What the fuck is this? Since when has the simple act of getting to know someone else become a re-run of the last 'The Apprentice' episode? Are you people serious? And taking a step back, what the fuck is the 'like' button for anyway? I asked a friend of mine (A real one, with flesh and blood who I actually talk to on a regular basis in the real world, just so we're clear.) who has a Facebook about this. This is how the discussion went:

Me: "What's the 'like' button for?"
Them: "Oh, you hit that if you like something they did."
Me: "But.... what does it do? Does it count for anything? What's it's purpose."
Them: "Just to let them know you like it."
Me: "But... you know you like them, and if they're your friend, they probably already know you like them."
Them: "Yeah, which is why you push the 'like' button."
Me: "...I see..."

I had to sit down for a second to process this. I still don't quite get it, but I just pretended I did so my brain didn't melt. These people vote, doesn't that scare anyone else? Just me? Anyway, back on topic... I'm just so tired of this bullshit surrounding dating and it's just gotten worse and worse. I don't blame technology though, it was bound to happen eventually. What gets me is just how many people fall into this bullshit. No one should be 'looking for love'. You know what you should be looking for? A life. One that involves more than pandering to some petty desire for companionship. If love finds you along the way, then great. I'm sure you will be much more satisfied with it than your Wal-Mart knockoff boyfriend you picked up on match.com last week. "Oh! But our profiles match so well!" Yeah, well no shit. Because everyone pretends to want the same thing. Of course you're going to find someone willing to give you a shot, I mean fuck, they've posted on an online dating site, it's not like they're beating them off with a stick over here.

Before anyone signs up for a dating website, think about this: YOU'RE about to sign up for a dating website because you're so socially inept that finding romance in your normal life is simply too hard. Guess what? That's the kind of people you're going to find online because that's why THEY signed up. So you're going to be socially inept together. Great. I can hear the church bells now.

You know, it wouldn't be so bad if it wasn't for this unnecessary desire to be in a relationship that is implanted in our brains by society. Most people believe that if you're not in a relationship with someone, obviously you're a fuckup in some way, shape or form, and the only way to validate your own existence is by attaching yourself to someone else. People will find each other in due time as they go through life, the process is not one that you should try to rush just to feel like you're 'keeping up' with all your 'friends' so they'll 'like' you more. The whole concept of dating is stupid though, at it's core. You don't start a healthy relationship with the full intent of getting involved with someone on that level right out of the gate. That is not love. That is lust. There is a difference. Not that I'm saying that lust is a bad thing, just that it's different. The problem is, this distinction is blurred so badly these days that people don't even realize there is a difference. It's like I said in my valentine's day post... society has trained us to believe that having sex with someone who we're not in love with is an evil thing to do. Why, I don't know. Probably to sell more candy, flowers and jewelry. Or so more people have a reason to go to church. Either way, that whole concept is retarded. People like to have sex. Sorry, but it's true, and I don't care how conservative you are, even if you have a signed poster of Bill O'Reily on your wall next to your bookshelf with 15 versions of the bible, if you're human you probably like sex.

So what happens when people who like sex are told they can't have it unless they're in a relationship? They start looking for one as fast as possible, because that means they can start having sex sooner. Oh, sure, they like to say that they just want someone to share their lives with... but have you LOOKED at online dating sites? Fuck, I wouldn't even want to spend 5 minutes in line at Starbucks with most of these people and you want to spend your LIFE with them? Standards, people.... standards. Do we not have them any more? Did we trade them in when we signed up for Facebook? And of course, guess who gets to deal with all the bullshit drama when all this fake shit blows up in their face and they don't know what to do because they lost their 'soul mate'. Well fuck, if I were going to treat my heart like a TV, I'd just buy a new one when the old one breaks.

Or you could go the old-fashioned route and call the repair-man. It works for porn.

Get Valentine...

Ha. Well, despite the world's determination to destroy me at every turn, I'm still alive. Well, the outside part of me is. I think I died inside at age 8. No one brought me flowers though.

Isn't it odd how flowers are a catch-all for emotion? You love someone, send them flowers. You feel bad for someone, send them flowers. Someone dies, send them flowers. It's like emotional duct tape. And ironically, just as flowers wilt and die over time, so do most of the feelings they represent. But this little rant isn't about heartbreak, despite the intro. You'd have to have a working heart for it to break. Luckily I've become so jaded that my heart consists of a material still waiting on a patent from the Rubbermaid corporation.

Not to say I LIKE Valentine's day. I kinda don't. I mean, it's not really as bad as things like Christmas or Thanksgiving, where everyone pretends to like each other just a little more so they don't seem like a douche-bag at the dinner table, because Valentine's day is limited to just mind-fucking your significant other, and not everyone you meet. I can respect that, as 90% of relationships these days are based on nothing more than physical attraction masked with a sense of, "Well we can't fuck if we don't love each other, because that would be wrong." So we all play pretend to make ourselves feel better about being the little slut bags we are. Oh, yes there are some relationships that have true depth and meaning to them, but in the emotional rainstorm that is Valentines day, most of them are just parking lot puddles getting deep enough to possibly wet your socks. They'll dry up by morning.

But, my disdain for Valentine's day doesn't stem from being heartbroken or any of that pre-teen Twilight nonsense. Mine comes from way, way back in elementary school. Anyone who went to public school knows the 'project' I'm about to talk about. You know the one where the teacher hands out paper bags and you decorate it with silly hearts and crap and cut a little slit in it so you can make it into a shitty little mailbox. You remember that, I know you do. Of course, part of this project also involved going down to the dollar store and picking up a pack of the cheapest 'kids' valentines cards you can find, you know, the pack with like 20 or 30 in it, that all say the same damn thing. Then, your job is to walk around and stick one in everyone's box. Then at the end of the whole charade, you open your box and see the same fucking shit as everyone else and the teacher tries to play on how much everyone must like you even though you know it was fucking MANDATORY for them to give you something. This just irked me as a kid, and it still does to this day. 364 days out of the year, I was surrounded by people who treated me like shit every single day, could care less if I died tomorrow, and would only miss me because then they'd have to find someone else to torment, when they'd already invested so much time in me, and then you try to tell me that ONE fucking day out of the entire year they CARE so much because they gave me a scrap of paper with my name spelled wrong on it under a picture of Batman and Robin holding a big pink heart? I may have been in 4th or 5th grade, but come on, that's just insulting.

Oh, but it does get better. You see, kids are sneaky and even if you force them to care, they'll find ways to show they don't. Like getting the valentines that are designed to go around a piece of candy, only all you get is the paper and all the people they ACTUALLY care about gets the candy part. Not that I particularly like candy, but still it's the statement that was most irritating.

Yeah, I know it's childish, and stupid to care about something like this at my age, but these are the things that stick with you as you get older. Or maybe I'm just crazy. I mean I do rant about nothing to a bunch of people I don't know, expecting someone to actually care. Maybe I am crazy. I dunno. Either way, Valentine's Day sucks, but there are other holidays that are worse. I mean, at least I can just ignore Valentine's Day. Most people don't throw it in my face, so I have to be thankful for that at least. But other ones, like St. Patrick's Day... God, I'm seriously not looking forward to that one. When I work, I have to wear a uniform. That uniform does not have green on it. You can see where I'm going with this.

Meh.

Anyway, as for why I haven't posted for like... months.... well it's a mixture of being busy, lazy, and forgetful. Yes, I know. It's not a valid excuse. But whatever, if I had readers they've probably abandoned me by now and for good reason. So, I don't take it to heart, as it's my fault as usual. I swear, I should have been born a cat, then my lack of attention span would be considered 'cute'. And people would feed me. And pet me. And I'd be happy. Well, until I puked on the rug... but I'm sure I'd forget about that as well as soon as I found something shiny to play with.

(By the way, anyone who gets the reference in this post's title gets 5 points. Hint: Apple IIe.)